It was a dark and stormy night.
Nah, just kidding (got your attention though, didn’t I~~ heh heh~).
OK, no more joking around.
Let’s try again, shall we?
The night was actually just a bit cloudy, and this time my TAXI driver was a man in his mid-forties, with golden skin and curly hair.
I noticed that he was observing me on his mirror, and he asked, “Mai chai khon thai roo?” (You’re not Thai, are you?), and I said no.
He began asking me the typical questions that all TAXI drivers seem to have learned in “TAXI driver school” (click HERE if you really wanna know what the specific questions are), until he came to the “jackpot question”:
“Mii faen khon thai mai?” (You got a Thai boyfriend?)
I said no I don’t, and he asked, “Why not?”
I (only JOKINGLY) answered, “Because Thai men like women TOO MUCH~!! They have too many kiks~!!!”
He threw his head back and laughed heartily, with one hand slapping his thigh.
“Aaah, you understand Thai men very well~!!” he remarked, and then suddenly became serious and declared, “I myself have two wives…”
“EEEEHH~~?!?!” It was my turn to be caught off guard. “Ching roo khaaa~~~???” (Reeeeaallyyy~~~???)
“You mean you have ‘mia luang’ and ‘mia noi’, right??” I pressed him. “Not really ‘kik’?”
“Yes,” he replied. “My ‘mia luang’ is in Chiang Mai, and my ‘mia noi’ is here in Bangkok.”
“Do you have any kids?” I asked.
“One with my ‘mia luang’ and two with my ‘mia noi’,” he answered.
(I was actually SOOOOO curious to ask him how does a TAXI driver afford two wives AND three kids, but I thought the question would be too nosy and rude; and since I am no longer a journalist and therefore cannot get away with asking “too aggressive” questions anymore, I decided to change tactics instead).
“Don’t they fight?” I asked him.
He chuckled and replied, “Luckily they don’t because they’re far away from each other. But both of them complain to ME, so I get tooo many headaches from BOTH of them~!!”
(Oh gaaawd I can TOTALLY imagine~!! It must be like Armageddon every day~!!)
“How do you divide your time between the two?” I asked him.
“I mostly stay in Bangkok for work, and only go back to Chiang Mai during holidays, or sometimes on weekends.”
“So I guess your ‘mia luang’ must complain to you A LOT,” I remarked, and he said, “Yea, she’s always angry with me.”
Then he got really serious again and looked at me intently on the mirror, “But you see, I made her my legal wife because I really love her. She’s my very special first love. I agreed to sign the marriage papers for her. My ‘mia noi’ is not recognized by law as my wife. So even if I’m not always with my ‘mia luang’, even if I have a ‘mia noi’, she is still my NUMBER ONE~!!”
Before I could stop myself, I heard myself say, “Being NUMBER ONE isn’t good enough for me. I have to be not just NUMBER ONE, I also have to be THE ONLY ONE~!!!
I do not like to SHARE~!!!”
Somehow my comment really tickled this surprisingly candid driver’s funny bone and he erupted into laughter again.
“That’s why you cannot go with Thai men~!!” was his conclusion.
*******************************************************************
I wasn’t exaggerating when I mentioned that Thai men aren’t hot about monogamy.
The Thai language is rife with words (both formal and informal) specifying what KIND and what LEVEL a specific romantic relationship is (pardon the screwed-up Thai spellings):
- saami is a very formal and polite word that means "husband" (as in legal husband – meaning you’ve signed the marriage papers)
- pharayaa is a very formal and polite word that means "wife" (as in legal wife – meaning you’ve signed the marriage papers)
- faen means "lover" (as in “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”), but when used as a slang, can also mean “husband” or “wife” (SO tricky, isn’t it?!)
- mia is slang for “wife”
- mia luang is the slang word for legal or “public” wife
- mia noi is the slang for "second wife" (or "mistress") – “noi” literally means “little”, so a mia noi is of lower level than mia luang but requires more commitment than just a faen (lover) because a man will not take a mia noi unless he can afford to. A mia noi, though not recognized by law, is guaranteed a steady “monthly allowance”, sometimes even a residence, car, cellphone, etc. (so a mia noi of a very rich man will have a much more comfortable/luxurious life than a mia luang of a poor one!!)
- chuu is another slang, to loosely indicate someone’s “second lover” (lower level than faen because a faen is your boyfriend or girlfriend, so if you have a chuu that means you’re cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend)
- a kik is a "sex friend/f*ck buddy" (no or very little emotional attachment; often means a physical – and “convenient” - relationship)
* Some people equate having a kik as having a chuu.
One of my (male) Thai friends explained,"Chuu is basically cheating. People who cheat use chuu as a euphemism but really having a kik when you already have a bf/gf is chuu. Anyone who says otherwise should not be trusted!!"
P.S. It is worth noting that nowadays, “modern and independent” Thai women also have their own chuus and kiks~!!
P.P.S. My Thai friend mentioned above concluded his oh-so-enlightening explanation by telling me, "Now that I've enlightened you, help me find a kik~!!"
(siiigh~~ I’m too speechless…)
and me only~!!
Read PART 1 of the "Conversation With A TAXI Driver" series here~!!
Read PART 2 of the "Conversation With A TAXI Driver" series here~!!
Read PART 3 of the "Conversation With A TAXI Driver" series here~!!
Read PART 4 of the "Conversation With A TAXI Driver" series here~!!
Read PART 6 of the "Conversation With A TAXI Driver" series here~!!
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sukhumvit 
bangkok 
thailand 
what's happening with the world nowadays?! lol 
