I am NOT fond of walking inside Sukhumvit 24 (for those of yo
u who don't know, Sukhumvit 24 is the soi of my beloved Emporium).
It's always sooo crowded, no matter what time it is (except maybe Songkran haha). It also gets flooded when it rains heavily. Worse, it's got no pavement~!! So when you're walking there, various kinds of vehicles will pass oh-sooooo-very-close to your skin you can actually feel the HEAT from them~!! (And no, the feeling is totally not the same as spa steam treatment~!!).
But anyway, y'all know that I hate hot weather (and I hate WALKING in hot weather even more), as mentioned HERE.
"So how would you enter Sukhumvit 24, then??" some of you might ask. The answer, my dearies, is MOTORCYCLE TAXIs.
These guys pictured above are a heaven-sent for Sukhumvit 24. Why waste time and money in a TAXI or car when you can cut down your "traveling time" to mere minutes~??
As mentioned in my "Local Transportation" photo album (check it out ), the motorcycle taxi drivers of Sukhumvit 24 are in a 
league of their own. They're true professionals who can swerve between vehicles in the blink of an eye. They’ve got their own smoooooth rotation system to make sure that passengers are quickly “matched up” with drivers. What's more, they don't overcharge (unlike the greedy chumps in the next soi - Sukhumvit 24/1, pictured right)~!! And they can bring you from the pak soi (mouth of the soi) to the end of the soi in about THREE MINUTES, I kid you not~!! (They've saved my super-late ass countless times~!!).
One look at my high-maintenance hair, and some of you might scoff, "YOU take motorcycle taxis~?! You with your dresses and high heels~?! Don't make me laugh~!!!!"
Aaaah
~ but you underestimate the SSS~!! I've been living in Sukhumvit since childhood, therefore I can now proudly call myself a LOCAL (by the way, for those who also aspire to be a Sukhumvit LOCAL, click to check out "I'm From Sukhumvit - How To Be a Local"). I now possess the elusive, special and rare Sukhumvit skills crucial for surviving on this road... and one of these vital skills is the ability to ride a motorcycle taxi gracefully while wearing a miniskirt/tight dress/high heels.
Here are the directions:
1). If you're right-handed (like me), carry your bag on your left shoulder. If you’re left-handed then go the other way.
2). Approach the motorcycle from its left side and sit side
saddle (I once saw a farang woman with a short sundress trying to sit with each of her leg hanging on either side of the motorcycle~!! Truly a sight to behold~!! In the end, she actually grabbed the middle hem of her sundress and swung one leg over the motorcycle~!! The perplexed expressions on the motorcycle drivers' faces were just PRECIOUS~!!).
3). Place your right foot on the passenger footrest (pictured below) and let your left foot hang a few inches off the ground.
4). Bend your left leg so that you won’t scrape your shoe – or worse, foot – on the ground (one time, I almost lost my left sandal coz the motorcycle driver turned too close to the pavement and it hit my sandal – my sandal actually FLEW away and *almost* fell into a manhole~!! I had to tell the driver to stop and limp like Cinderella on the asphalt to retrieve the said sandal).
5). With your right hand, hold on to a small hand rail that usually exists either below or beside the motorcycle seat (pictured below). If the rail isn’t there, don’t panic – just hold on to the edge of the seat).
6). Keep your torso flexible and soft while the motorcycle is moving; this will ensure that you can keep your balance and won’t fall. Don’t try to fight the movement; just go with the flow~!!
7). More often than not, the motorcycle driver will take it upon himself to bring you fro
m point A to point B using the fastest, shortest route possible (Buddha bless ‘em~!!), but this means he will swerve between moving vehicles and come within CENTIMETERS from throbbing sedans, pickup trucks and SUVs. Keep in mind that the driver will usually estimate the available space where the motorcycle can squeeze through using HIS OWN BODY SIZE, therefore you gotta make your body at least the same size as his, if not smaller (long-legged male farangs are the most vulnerable) *VERY IMPORTANT: keep your kneecaps tucked in and close to the motorcycle~!!
Once you master the above steps, you can build up your skills and try these WHILE SITTING AT THE BACK OF A MOVING MOTORCYCLE:
- let go of the rail and use your right hand to hold your hair to keep
your hairstyle intact
- answer your cellphone and chat
- rummage through your bag (which is hanging from your shoulder) to find your purse, and then open it and count your money to pay the driver
- wear a tight miniskirt plus high-heeled sandals, sit sidesaddle and reapply your lipstick while holding a mirror
(Only genuine PROs should try this last highly-sophisticated move~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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On one particular busy afternoon in Sukhumvit 24, I was (again) on the back of a moving motorcycle… when I suddenly noticed that the driver was saying something under his breath.
At first I thought he was muttering to his cellphone (using one of those hands-free thingies), but his voice was getting louder and louder. I couldn’t decipher what he was saying at first, due to all the traffic noise around me.
Then he suddenly shouted (very loudly for all the world to hear), “Namman man pheng thammai mii rot yeu jang leeeeuuiii~~~!!!!” (roughly translated into, “Oil is so expensive, how come there are so many cars~~~!!!!”).
P.S. Did anyone notice that there’s absolutely no mention of HELMETS at all~??
Vroom vroom~!!
sukhumvit 
bangkok 
thailand 
