Emporium, Friday morning 10am, food floor, Oriental coffee/cake shop. I went in there for breakfast, all seating is on stools in the window and there were only 2 other customers in there and plenty of seating. Ordered my food, sat at the stool and read the paper. 10 mins later I head some raised voice behind me in a "complaining" sort of way, then this guy in shorts/shirt, 50ish, blonde/grey hair, glasses grabs another paper and slams it down next to me. He slams his phones down and mumbles. I was staring him by this point wondering why someone can be so damn unpleasant to staff and in front of people at that time in the morning, and if he looked at me I would have asked him why he was having such a bad day.

Anyway, out of the corner of my eye I noticed that he sharply and quickly pushed my bag further towards me when he had the space for 4 seatings. Soon after the waitress brought his food and again he did some Italianesque gesticulating and mumbling, which I couldn't hear. But I could hear him on the phone (again speaking fairly rudely in Thai then English). This was a businessman who had the manners of a chav.

I stayed for an hour and assumed this guy might have just lost a big contract/been cheated on/got locked out of his condo or something equally as bad. Oh no. As I went to pay he quickly summoned another waitress and again fairly loudly gesticulated towards my plates, but not quite loudly enough for me to hear from the counter. All waitresses looked uncomfortable with this guy and I was in two minds whether to go up to him to ask him why he was taking it out on people.

Then came the reason: he liked to sit in my spot every day. Yes, that's it. He was absolutely devasted and blatantly rude because he was a businessman regular and I was in his regular seat, so he was mad at the girls for not reserving it..and mad at me (or any other) that would be ONE seat further up than himself that day.

I had to laugh in both disbelief and suppessed anger at hearing this, at which point he STILL didn't turn around or make any eye contact. Maybe he was too important. The amazing this is, there is no way he would have acted like this at home...he would be hated wherever he went and probably banned. Unfortunately and embarrassingly for me, he was English.

All I know is that I WILL be there on or before 10am on Monday and Tuesday sitting in that very same seat again and will await his reaction with glee.

__________

Update: it happened again this morning as I expected! Got there 10am for their superb breakfast and coffee. A middle-aged ex pat couple were in the middle seats and so I sat in "his" place which was in the corner next to them.

Sure enough, just 2 minutes later I head a commotion behind and the women next to me turn around and then asked me why he was so upset. He made his feelings quite clear by loudly stating to all around him that "that place was reserved" before slamming down his paper and storming out before anyone could comment. The couple were amazed when I told them the story.

One hour later I was still there and sure enough he came back with his little gf/wife. As soon as he saw me he went mad again with the nearest waitress saying that he'd told her 4 times to keep that place reserved for him. The security guard came into vision. At this point I called him to come over and talk to me about it instead of the staff but he stormed off again.

I called the waitress over to apologise for HIS rudeness but said that I would be sitting wherever I wanted. She took it in good humour and said it nearly happens every day with this workaholic guy that likes his own way.

All I know is that I need to give this guy a piece of my mind. He acts like a bully towards the staff and tries to with customers. Therefore I intend to be there tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday etc.

If you want to see this guy's unbelievable reaction and tell him what a kwai he's being go to the 5th floor of Emporium into the restaurant area, look for Piri Piri Chicken and next to that is a glass fronted cafe called Oriental Hotel Shop. Go in there where the till is looking out the window and sit down there on the far left space right in the corner next to the coffee machine. I will most certainly be there at 10am, taking my time.

A repeat performance this morning again. He had called the manager beforehand to lay out his breakfast in "his" spot before he arrived. When I got there I chose to sit there and the staff were very amused to move his food.

5 mins later I heard him say "I give up with you!" loudly to the manageress before stomping off quickly.

10 mins later he telephoned the cafe from downstairs and asked the manageress to go down and speak to him! She came to warn me that she will be saying that she can prepare his breakfast but cannot prevent other customers sitting in that seat, and that Khun Carl chooses to sit there. She was worried that he may come up and argue with me...to which I asked her to tell him to come and see me.

10 mins later she came up without him and told me that he was going to complain to Oriental Hotel top brass that he was a 5-year regular and that he wanted that place reserved for him every morning and lunch (including weekends), so the manageress (very polite girl) was worried. I informed her that he can have his place if he arrives before me or if he comes and talks to me. She said he didn't wish to talk to me, but only to the staff and they should set the rules. I sense a coward.

I told the manageress to report this situation to her boss before he does, and that I will be on hand if they have any questions. In the meantime I will be there each morning in that place until he stops his bullying tactics against the staff and general mentalism. Next time I'll be going up to him, probably tomorrow morning.

No matter how long it takes he waits at another cafe downstairs and comes up get his place, which is most likely what he did when I left at 11am.

Yep, I shall be there tomorrow morning and will take a photo. I put the story on a big ex pat message board and it seems a lot of people are going to be playing him at his game to test his reaction. Immature maybe, but this guy is really rude.

This morning I got in at 10am and a few customers were milling around the food floor. As I came out of the lift he clocked me and nearly RAN to his spot. I did not participate but instead walked around and went to sit near to him 20 mins later. He was quiet as he got his spot, but not only that...he removed 3 stools from near him so no-one else could get near to "his" space.

There will be a few earlycomers over the next few weeks if I can't get there earlier myself. At the moment he just thinks he's competing with me :-)

__________

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The next time you grumble that your family sucks like hell, be very grateful that you're not a member of Jan Dara's family~!!

The tragic character Jan Dara was born into a wealthy family in turbulent 1930s Siam. His mother died giving birth to him, thus earning him the poisonous scorn of his father, Khun Luang. Khun Luang made sure that Jan had a miserable time growing up and never failed to remind the boy that he was responsible for his mother’s demise.

Later on, one of Jan’s aunts, Waad came into the household and formed a close relationship with him (SO close that it was uncomfortable to watch). Khun Luang, who was a womanizer, unfortunately raped her and she gave birth to a daughter (Jan’s half-sister) named Kaew.

Kaew was terribly spoiled by Khun Luang and she was taught to hate Jan from a very early age. Unsurprisingly, Kaew grew up to be a very spiteful girl.

In the meantime, the licentious Khun Luang was bedding every female he could get his hands on (not exactly a hard thing to do for a wealthy man inside a household full of young and willing females).

His favorite "hobby" was to have sex in front of a portrait of his dead wife.

The young Jan himself lost his virginity to a servant girl (“offered” to him by one of the male servants) and embarked on a self-destructive path fueled by lust, hatred and guilt.

Enter sexy and sultry Khun Boonlueang (played by Hong Kong actress Christy Chung who got tanned and fattened up to gain more curves for the role~!!), the newest mistress of Khun Luang.

Jan was immediately attracted to her, and she was more than willing to give him a very special kind of “education” – watch out for a scene with ice cubes~!! *ROWL~!!*

Trouble arose when one of the household’s male servants was accused of raping Daddy’s favorite girl, Kaew (it was later revealed that Kaew herself was the one who asked to be tied up and abused). Unfortunately, Khun Luang framed Jan for this “crime” and kicked him out of the household.

Jan was able to live a “peaceful and normal” life away from his scandalous family for a while… until he was called back again. Kaew was found out to be pregnant, and Khun Luang wanted Jan to quickly marry her to preserve the family honor. Sensing an opportunity, Jan agreed, but only if the deeds of the family estate would be handed down to him.

Unluckily, Jan soon found out why his father was desperate for Kaew to get married. It turned out that the baby (who was born with Down’s syndrome) was the product of an incestuous relationship between Kaew and Khun Luang (pictured left).

After the less-than-happy birth, Kaew entered into a lesbian partnership with va-va-voom Khun Boonlueang (Khun Luang became impotent and diseased later on), which angered Jan. He repeatedly raped her until she became pregnant, which she aborted with the help of her new lesbian lover.

Tried as he might, Jan Dara slowly came to the realization that he was no better than his own hated father. Jan Dara himself became impotent at the age of forty, which saddened him even more, considering that Khun Luang was fifty when he was no longer able to “perform”.

(Is your head spinning yet~?!)

If you think the movie “Jan Dara” is so scandalous for prim n’ proper Thai society, imagine the shockwaves that were created when the original book was printed in 1966~!! The author, Utsana Phleungtham, meant it to be a social commentary, though it didn’t help to dissuade critics labeling the book as an affront to morality.

This movie was beautifully directed by Nonzee Nimibutr of “Nang Nak” fame (read more about Nang Nak, Thailand’s most famous ghost HERE). Every shot was bathed in a golden, sepia tone and a dreamy mood served as a foil to the story’s more sordid happenings.

I had to give kudos to Christy Chung, easily the best-acting actor in the whole movie. Besides getting tanned and putting on more weight, she even took Thai language classes for the role~!!

I’d seen “Jan Dara” in the theater when it first came out a few years ago, but my head still hurt after I watched the DVD.

A word of warning: To those of you who think (or hope) that all the nudity and sex scenes in the movie would serve as cheap thrills, you'll be sorely disappointed. Instead, they were quite disturbing and not pleasurable at all~!!

Click HERE to read the novel~!!

and you think YOUR family's dysfunctional~?!

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OK. Enough with the oozy, gooey stuff I’d mentioned earlier. What SSS needs right now is some good ol’ fashioned raw and senseless VIOLENCE~!!

Boss keeps whining about everything? Kids endlessly pestering you to buy ‘em “stuff”? Office creep got you down?

If you’re feelin’ a bit pugilistic and contentious, don’t miss “Chocolate”, the new Thai action movie directed by Prachya Pinkaew of action flicks “Ong Bak” and “Tom Yam Goong” fame.

This time around, Pinkaew has a new fighter (rumor has it that he and Tony Jaa – star of both “Ong Bak” and “Tom Yam Goong” - had a falling out because the latter insisted on directing “Ong Bak 2”~!!)… slim, petite and FEMALE Nicharee “Jeeja” Vismistananda, who endured months of brutal training and bone-breaking stunts for the movie~!!

A note of caution: Better leave your brain at home before you watch “Chocolate”, because chances are, any intellectual impulses would be completely pulverized by the time you reach the middle part of the movie~!!

A short synopsis of the movie’s outrageous plot: Nicharee plays Zen, an autistic girl born from an ex-Thai mobster mistress Zin (played by Ammara Siripong) and a Japanese yakuza (played by Hiroshi Abe). Though Zen isn’t really “normal”, she has the amazing ability to record and replicate ANY martial arts style and over time, she grows into a real force to be reckoned with. When her mother Zin falls ill and needs LOTSA cash for medicines, Zen finds a list of people (all mean and nasty gangsters, of coz) who still owe debts to Zin. She decides to collect these debts... Not exactly a walk in the park, considering the "company" her mother used to hang out with~!! Nevertheless, Zin is unpertubed.

Anyone who refuses to pay will not be spared of her elbow strikes, karate chops and knee thrusts~!!!! You better get down on your knees and beg for mercy coz hell this girl can definitely KICK ASS~~!!!!

So yea, the plot is kinda dodgy, but WHO CAAAAARES ABOUT THE PLOT when you get to see Nicharee make mincemeat of tough baddies~!! Street toughs, sword-wielding assassins and even evil yappy katoeys are no match for her deadly skills~!!

I emerged from the theater with my head pounding and my blood pressure high.

When people asked me, “So what’s ‘Chocolate’ about?”, I gave ‘em a glazed look and deliriously replied, “Duuude~ you gotta check it out yourself~!! Those moves will surely come in handy the next time your little brother bugs the hell outta you~!!!”

P.S. At the end of "Chocolate", you'll be treated to a few behind-the-scenes takes where you'll see for yourself how hard-working, persistent and thick-skinned (plus perhaps a bit daft~??) the actors and stunts were in making the film... I'm talking about dislocated joints, concussions and broken bones~!!! OH, THE EXQUISITE PAIN~!!

Here's the trailer:

Hit me, baby, one more time~!!!

streetsmartsukhumvit@gmail.com

sukhumvit

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